I stumbled upon contemporary dance and got back on my feet
I know, I know that mid-life crisis is not supposed to happen until you are well in your 40s. But try raising three kids under 3 to start feeling it a whole decade earlier. Once I was done with a back to back spree of pregnancies, recoveries from C-sections and survival from post-partum, I was hit with all the symptoms of mid-life crisis: feelings of boredom, meaninglessness, and a sense of unfulfillment in life.
My loved ones will all want to jump in right here to highlight all my personal and professional accomplishments, but hearing all the positive support also won’t cut it. Suddenly you feel a void and something is lacking and you are not quite sure what to do.
But I am do-er and a fierce web-searcher, so I had a list and a plan of action to jump start my dwindling energy. I began to exercise, take long walks, listen to music and take unapologetic time for myself. And then I came across a dance video on Instagram.
How I found contemporary dance
I had known of and admired contemporary dance from a distance from some time. In fact, freshman year of college I even took a contemporary dance introduction course and really enjoyed it. As an Indian student studying internationally in New England America, I was learning contemporary dance from a French teacher among American students — hey, I was living my best life.
I avidly follow Dubai’s art district Alserkal Avenue on Instagram and loved their post about SIMA Performing Arts’ dance classes. The video had two dancers moving boldly, un-patterned to music and it was beautiful to watch. I started to follow the studio and to like all their dance posts. After doing this for weeks, I finally got myself to sign up for an introductory class and to show up.
My first class was intimidating, left me out of breath and out of sync. I decided not to return.
Coming to SIMA Performing Arts
During my first (and what I swore to be my last) class, we rehearsed a small bit of choreographed dance which, like my classmates, I recorded on my phone. I came home and watched myself dance, then watched the clip of my teacher dance, and then watched myself again. In doing this a few times, I felt this urge to dance again. To do it right. To move my body longer, bigger, make it lighter.
Two days later, I returned to my dance class. Its amazing how much more confident you feel just having done anything once before. And that’s why they pay the big bucks for experience.
What is Contemporary Dance
Contemporary dance, although an off-shoot of ballet and classical dance, has come to draw from many different dance forms. There is an element of unpredictability in contemporary dance as the movements sift in their rhythm, speed and direction. It also ties in ballet with yoga, Pilates and breathing techniques. At college I had learned that Martha Graham had inaugurated our college’s dance program in 1948. There was historical pride in our dance department and I had always been fascinated by this form of movement. This fascination was renewed after decades when I met my dance teacher, Lana.
Enter Lana (and Mila)
Even before my you actually meet Lana, you can sense and feel Lana — she is a unique presence. She is tall yet undaunting, petite yet noticed, stunning yet approachable, as much with her feet in the air as her entire body gliding on the dance floor. Lana runs a dance class with the most varied of students, keenly focused on everyone’s moves, while also acutely aware of her 19-month old toddler in the back of the studio.
I know, she is unreal — I was so desperate in my midlife crises I could have made her up as the imaginary perfect, beautiful dancer mother ballerina. But real Lana is.
As real as her commitment to dance as her dedication to each student, real in her teaching, in her analogies and in her gaffes. Real in her unfettered laugh and in her expressions, real in her connection, in her Arabic-English exchange, in her sheer genuineness. In Lana, I knew I had found my ticket out of emotional crises to a path to literally get myself on my feet.
To help improve my game in the group dance sessions, I began to see Lana for one-on-one private lessons. In one such class, without much care for TMI, I broke down to Lana about ageing, childbirth, and my emotional state. Somewhere in there was me admitting to her that I wanted to so bad to dance well to feel good about myself.
She got it, instantly.
It’s a woman thing, sure.
But Lana took it to a whole new level. We worked out a plan to dance and learn towards a goal, a tangible deliverable, something I can have to showcase and be proud of. Contemporary dance was now a part of my life, going to the SIMA space, practicing at home in front of my children, obsessing about Lana and her daughter Mila, that was my routine. I love children (hello, I got 3), and so to me having Mila as a permanent presence in the studio is a big draw. She is like a moving art installation in the studio, just the most gorgeous happy being walking around as if to say, “Isn’t life great — apple, please.”
Dance, Movement and Unexpected friendship
After a couple months of working towards our goal, Lana choreographed a set for me to the tune of Billie Eilish’s I love you. Melodious, soft movements that challenged me. I loved dancing to this song, alone, and more with Lana as a duo. Even though the set was barely two minutes of choreography, each time I completed it, I panted in fulfillment. I rehearsed it everywhere, waiting in line, at home on my terrace, in the SIMA studio. Lana picked out a flowy white dress for me to record my recital in. She set it up so that it would be filmed professionally with multiple cameras, haze lights and the works. I loved the nervousness as I performed in this professional setting several times — elevated with accomplishment, purpose, pride. Touched by the people at SIMA, right from Katherine (the receptionist) to Alaa (founder and Lana’s husband) to Mazen (dancer and videographer). My mid-life crisis felt fading away as my confidence amplified in Lana’s presence — two mothers, two immigrants, and now two dancers in sync.
